I Just Love Distracted People!

By Steven P. Velasquez
August 1, 2011

I'm sitting here in the Livingston Diner trying to calm my nerves before going into work tonight.  My coordination betrays me as I've survived yet another, if not "near-death" then at the very least "near maim" experiences.

It's a beautiful summer day with temps in the 80's, a brilliant sun and perfect traffic patterns as I trek northward to the land of the affluent, Livingston, NJ.  While motoring along on "Rocinante" (my trusty iron steed made by Harley Davidson), following traffic laws, wearing protective gear, sober and well-rested, I signaled that I was moving into the right lane.  A quick glance at the mirror and a brief look over one's shoulder is usually enough to verify the coast is clear and you can proceed safely.  I did however; mention this is New Jersey where motorists tend to violate not only motor vehicle laws, but often the laws of physics too.  The most common law being broken is the one where "matter cannot occupy the same space."  In the instant that my eyes returned to the forward position, a car appeared suddenly on my right causing me, on my already leaning bike, to tap the brake, upright and quickly scan for options on my left - of which there were now none.  A shiny white BMW saw my mild gesture to the right and obsessively blasted her accelerator to immediately occupy my now partially vacant spot.

Both brakes are now engaged, my deft (no, not left!) foot quickly down-shifting, the engine roaring, my pupils dilating whilst every sphincter of my tense body constricts preparing for the seemingly inevitable!  I was close enough to manually unlock her door if I had to.  Fortunately, I was able to avoid dire consequences and a trip to visit Dr. Jellyfinger and the broken bone team at my local trauma center, with only the beads of sweat on my forehead.  Whew!

Me before ending up under your car

At the next stop-light, I pulled up alongside the privileged beauty (she was gorgous I'll admit) and took advantage of her open window.  I mustered the most menacing face I could make and yelled "I have three beautiful daughters!"  (I know, real bad-ass right?  I'm considering auditioning for "Sons Of Anarchy").  "What?" she replied as she put down the cell-phone and lowered the radio.  "I said I have three beautiful daughters!  Your aggressive driving is going to kill someone!  I want you to know who's life you're taking!"  I guess it now registered in her distracted, little mind that I was a lunatic and perhaps dangerous.  She began rolling her window up and looking to get away from me. "Dumb bitch" I thought aloud.

I often get to see not just the carnage caused by people like her, but the shattered people that cause the problem in the first place as they're overrun with remorse and pain often bellowing out "I'm sorry!" or perseverating "I didn't see him, I didn't see him..."  How hard is it to just avoid the circumstance in the first place?  Is it really so hard to drive attentively? Share the road?  Think before you act?  All of these, to me, seem much easier, but then again, I have a stable career because of such behavior.  I'd just really rather remain a patient care provider vs. a patient. 

Alright, the tremors are gone.  Check has arrived.  I'm off to work.  Please drive safely and watch for motorcyclists.