Transitions

by Steven P. Velasquez
June 14, 2014

My family, over the recent past, has been encountering (sometimes enduring) what seems to be an unprecedented amount of change, of transitions. From anticipated change like the long-awaited arrival of Spring, to special occasions that no matter how well documented, highlighted or punctuated they are on one's calendar, always feel like a surprise!

Nazareth Area H.S.
Class of 2014

A few weeks ago, we finally began to encounter temps over 50 degrees Fahrenheit. The days are longer and one's warm-weather wardrobe re-emerges from storage boxes beneath their beds. This week, my first born daughter Nicolette, graduated high school (so proud). Next week, she will blow out 18 candles, be eligible to vote, to serve in the military, to make her own decisions (I pray she makes good ones). A month from today, she'll leave her mother's nest, spread her wings and begin attending Liberty University in Virginia, about half-way between her parents (NJ & PA) and her oldest sister Samantha and grandmother Pat in Savannah, GA.

Happy Birthday Abuelo
 

A few weeks ago, my father Americo blew out candle-lit pancakes at IHOP, one of his favorite restaurants and guilty pleasures, for the 78th time. Happy Birthday Daddy.







Last week, we paid a surprise visit to the elders with my youngest, Little B, in tow. This is always a welcome event by my parents as they love their granddaughters more than life and air and the sun combined. One of their complaints in their new home in Toms River is the silence, the sound of time passing and their arteries hardening. They miss getting in the car and going places. They miss the sound of their children playing out in the street, as Mountain Way in Rutherford was more like a sports arena than a street corner during my childhood. Perhaps they even miss refereeing another fight between my sister Diane and I. Odd I know, but it was the activity, I suspect, that reminded them they were alive - and young - and vibrant.

It was late when I decided to scoop them up and take them out. They usually oppose my impulsiveness with their long, choreographed list of:

•  How late it is 
•  How tired they are
•  Or how little money we have

That night they offered a gentle "Okay, where are we going?" I was surprised to say the least. I was going to pack the mini-van tight with three generations of Velasquez family and take them to where one is always reminded - that they're alive - and young - and vibrant.




Abuelo & Abuela on the boardwalk
Point Pleasant, NJ

 

Our destination was one deeply embedded in my family's DNA; a place my parents had brought me to since before I could walk. Our love for this location was reinforced with frequent visits during my youth, changes and transitions. Following this tradition, I have taken all my daughters there since before they could walk. Their love for this location was reinforced with frequent visits during their youth, changes and transitions too.

 

We watched with smiles ear to ear as Little B, Josh and Kimmie flew through the night, upward, downward, sideways and up again on the roller coaster. We chuckled as they smashed into each other on the bumper cars. I watched my aging parents illuminate, like proud, veteran candles.

 

Little B and Kimmie team up against 16 year-old Josh
Point Pleasant Beach, NJ

My father then leaned over to me and asked quietly;

"Have we ever come here before?"

 

I immediately covered my mouth with my hands and attempted to swallow my tears. My father has been showing signs of change and transition in the form of forgetfulness and cognitive impairment. This however really shook me. I had prayed memories like this would remain till the end, reminders of being alive - and young - and vibrant.

 

Remember Daddy, remember...

 





2006 Abuelo hold his youngest granddaughter
Little B

The Great Equalizer

by Steven P. Velasquez
January 25, 2013

Anyone who's been close to me knows I have no capacity for planning when it comes to my private or social life.  Work, I've had to get good at but it hasn't come easy.  People invite me places, want me to celebrate things with them,  want to catch up on old times and I just can't ever seem to get it right.  My pathetic excuse is always; "I'm too busy.  I had to work."  It's one of my biggest weaknesses.

Franklin Planner



So as I mature, I've been taking active steps to improve my planning.  I use online calendars, sync them with my laptop, my smart-phone etc...  And, being a little retro, I still maintain a written calendar in a Franklin Planner out of part ritual and devout loyalty to Dr. Steven Covey and the Franklin system which has drastically improved my life since my early twenties.  


This weeks plans were intricate, detailed and a complex mix of personal and professional priorities all mixed in.  Having to work an off night in exchange for another so I can attend a conference that comes only once a year and is a great educational opportunity, took some planning, finding a willing participant to trade shifts and a supervisor to approve said trade.  Just when I had that seemingly locked down, one of our brother EMS providers in Jersey City has an untimely passing and of course, his funeral service falls on the day of the EMS conference.

Well, loyalty to the family supersedes an educational opportunity.  I can always get into other classes.  So I begin preparing and planning to attend the wake and funeral services of our brother.  (Unfortunately, as I age this is becoming something that happens more frequently and is quite saddening.)  My plan A was shot, so I switched to plan B.  Then came what I refer to as "the great equalizer."

The Great Equalizer

"I cannot miss this!!!"

Some of my patients are members of the class known as the rich and powerful.  They have "stuff," assets, savings, residual incomes (whatever that means).  They can buy things with ease and have people at their beck and call to tend to their needs (they often mistake me for one of them).  They keep tight schedules with other rich, powerful people that they ABSOLUTELY CANNOT MISS (or so they like to tell me)!!  I use this class as an example as they appear to be the most resistant, and sometimes obnoxious, to the grips of "the great equalizer."



Now let me be clear, I wish suffering on no one, not even my enemies.  But when confronted with a patient like I was the other night, a gentleman who arrived on a flight (1st class of course), looked at and spoke to me like a skycap, and demanded he be brought to a hospital in New York City (no NJ hospital would suffice), I get taken aback at how pathetic they appear in the presence of the fact that "the great equalizer" has leveled the playing field.  There are no VIP lounges here. There are no favors to call in. We all become -- patients, dependents etc...  He had to get schooled on how it really works down here at the serf level.  He could go to one of the three area hospitals, not all the way to NYC.  Internally, I chuckled to myself as he flailed and carried on in the grips of "the great equalizer."

The great equalizer is illness or injury.  It strips us of our power.  Takes away our sense of control, saps our strength and energy.  It humbles the mighty, makes tearful the strong, and reminds humanity that we are still mortal, and vulnerable, and need each other.  And yes, messes with even the best planned schedules. 

Flu Season

I'm so sick right now I've called out of two nights of work (never happens), will not be going to the EMS conference in Paterson, and will very unfortunately not be able to attend the funeral services of our EMS brother, Chief Richie Lopez of the Jersey City Medical Center EMS Dept.  Essentially, I'm quarantined to my room with a steady flow of Nyquil, transient sleep, an occasional meal and the constant question to my creator; "Okay God, I'm listening.  What do you want me to do or learn now?"  I am in the presence of "the great equalizer."