The Frustrated Photographer

by Steven P. Velasquez
June 20, 2012

Grumble, grumble, f'in', frigga, frassa, stupid privacy Nazi's!!!!!  Why can't we photograph what we see in the hospital?  Sue this you idiots!  This privacy crap and hysteria about photographing in certain places deserves a counter suit!  I'm suing these nuts for robbing us (the people - as in "We the People") of our God-given (that's right I said it!) right to humor!  Humor is good medicine and I believe certain people are put on this Earth to provide a healthy dose of humor -- for the rest!


Some will provide humor as their choice of career (Billy Crystal).  Some will provide social commentary (Jackie Mason).  Some will act (Robin Williams).  Some will pretend they have what it takes to be president (see current occupant)(snort).  And some... some will just be themselves and bring laughter to us all by their very, and often pathetic, existence.  Some people, due to their lack of sophistication, level of intoxication, what-ever -- are just damn funny fodder!


Earlier today in an undisclosed facility, that may or may not provide care and comfort for humanity, I, at the end of a 13 hour shift (don't forget the late jobs), had a complete and sudden loss of decorum (not my norm).  I just couldn't control myself and what I had seen had struck me as such a funny sight that I actually covered my mouth with one hand, raised and pointed with the other and right there in the middle of... let's just call it an E.R., laughed out loud.  I quickly caught myself, realized that the entire off-going night and on-coming day shifts were there staring at me.

Gangsta pant styles

You see homies in 'the hood' are bad.  They are bad mo fo's.  They talk bad.  They walk bad.  They snarl and stare and try to get in your head.  When the odds are right and you're unprepared or vulnerable, they can often wreak some badness upon you and take yo' shit!  They're so bad they can't pull up their pants (see illustration).  They walk with a limp, even if they've never been shot -- yet.  They call that diddy-boppin', or at least used to when I walked among them (with my pants pulled up though).

So this bad mo fo is diddy-boppin' through the ER catching looks from everyone.  He's got his cool on.  His hat is turned to the side (like when Daffy Duck used to get his beak blown off his face).  He's in full, peacock-like strut, daring anyone in a lab-coat or scrubs to "dis" (disrespect) him (because he's earned so much of their unwavering respect).  And what to my blood-shot, ready to go home eyes do I see?  About 30 inches of 'White Cloud' hanging down his posterior.  Like a cartoon cat walking upright, this brother forgot to disengage the shore-line at the last rest-room visit.

Let me tell you this cat was bad.  I wish I could have shown you what I saw, but a brother's gotta pay the bills.  You know what I'm sayin' yo?